Girl’s Night and Tears

30 Sep 2007 | By Demara

We had a great time Saturday night. We made sundaes and hung out in the hot tub. I can’t believe at how fast the time flew too, surprisingly. I think the highlight of the evening were the foot and back massages in the hot tub, as well as watching the Gekko bang his head against the glass when he thought our finger was a bug, and then we got to see the Gekko fly… ok we realized and learnt that when a Gekko looks like he’s flying he’s actually about to poop, or rather create a whole cricket with his bum. haha what fun!

Just now I woke up after having a nightmare. I had planned to sleep the whole night, and wake up at   5 to run. But instead I have woken up now, and since I feel my sleep is more important than running, I may miss tomorrow MORNING, if so, I WILL run after work. I hate nightmares! Especially, when they involve people you love and death. A bloody death! Grr…

did I mention too that I was the only one that cried at the girl’s night? I don’t think it was THAT serious, but people asked about my mom and brother, and the past… and well I lost it when I mentioned the time when my mom told the cops that "my brother was not in the freezer." I was so embarrassed and could not believe my mom had said that, when I was there. The cops then proceeded to ask me who I was… I did not want them to know. but I told them. yes I am related…ok so those were not my exact words but that’s the point.

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So I spent that time of tears, in front of the girls, talking about those people that were once the closest people to me, the people I thought and knew as normal, just to discover they in fact were insane, the whole ‘living’, ‘growing up’ and ‘learning’ situations insane!!! That was my life THEN, and now, my life … well, it is MY life, and I am JUST starting to realize what sanity is. STARTING to live normal. If there is in fact a normality to be lived?!?! This is my life, my story, my past. I am an overcomer, and I WILL survive it!!!




4 Comments so far

  1. Nadine October 1st, 2007 12:14 am

    I’m glad you had a good time with your friends. I’m sure they loved you through your difficulty recalling your mom and brother and that whole situation. I pray that your heart would be healed from the pain.

  2. Karen October 1st, 2007 5:23 pm

    I have been thinking on this post and prayerfully about you too in the last few days - I feel there is a connection with your weight journey and your emotional journey here. God is doing a new thing and yes, you will come through it. I’ve been through some crazy stuff in the past, which I never thought I would be free of, hurts, pains - now, they are not even a memory. That is only the Lord who can do a new thing. The Devil always wants to make us feel ashamed, want to hide, and try to taunt us about the past - the Lord is gentle, heals bit by bit. Day by day in his grace and his love. With love and prayers xx

  3. ally October 3rd, 2007 12:45 pm

    Im glad you had a good time with your mates… so sorry you cired at remembering parts of your past. I agree with Karen, that you are on a healing journey. You are special and don´t let satan tell you otherwise…

  4. Bonnie October 4th, 2007 4:22 am

    Hey Demara,

    It’s been a few days since I’ve stopped by ! So, I’m catching up on Demara news ! I’m glad you had a good time with the girls. We all need that, don’t we ? I know that crying if front of them must have been hard … reliving the past too, but it is also good. It will build an intimacy with them. A depth to your friendships. I’m glad you have people close to you who are willing to listen ! You are blessed.